Misunderstood Mongruls

Summers are a time for the world to be saved by 2-6.5 super heroes flying, walking, and possibly skipping into a theater near you. This summer is no exception. Now you may think that i am about to wow you with some in depth theories into the minds and bodies of these great American heroes, but that would be as interesting as exploring an empty paper bag, therefore i would like to dive into the complexities of the super villain, you would be surprised what sort of glorious factoids i have discovered through a great amount of research.

a) All things that glow - i don't know what it is but super villains, more often than not, are always trying to get and keep something that glows, think about it; in Green Lantern it was glowing yellow fear, in Captain America it was some blue glowing cube, and of course kryptonite glows green. Its like all these people were not allowed the many glow in the dark doo-dads of childhood, the beads, the markers and best of all the eerie glowing stars on the ceiling…

b) Slight deformity - the bad guy from Captain America looked like a sunburnt Michael Jackson, i will have nightmares for a week, anyway, these issues serve as a kind reminder to young boys and girls that if one plays with acid, toxic waste, and on or around sharp rocks, your high school will not be pleasant and, as such your anger will fuel your choices

c) Cool toys - you have to admit it the bad kids always have way better toys, some car that can also turn into a flying ice cream cone, shoes that transform into underwater submarines, and underwear that can be folded into throwing stars. If it takes some loose morals to achieve this i think it's worth looking into.

d) Bigger posse - i mean, let’s be honest, the hero usually has one same sex friend whose roll is to bolster up the hero and keep him/her/it on the straight and narrow, or on the  wide and zig-zag depending on how things play out… then the bad guy has a whole army of buddies, examples you ask? Batman - BFF Robin (we've all heard the rumors), the Joker - 20 guys in weird masks breaking into banks, not only does he have himself a bunch of lunatic followers BUT he also has a bit of bank dollas for his next caper…  if that's not love what is? Captain America - has one man friend in the army, crazy Natzi dude - whole army shooting for him. If we learned one thing from JLo (a hero to many, a villain to those who have ears and the ability to watch a movie), a posse is an important status symbol, so what if they only fear your wrath, i know plenty of friendships that are based on a lot less. 

And so i say that maybe we are judging these out of the box thinkers a little to harshly, maybe we should just have a corporate villain retreat to the planet of Pandora, that whole planet is in constant rave mode, everything glows... if that doesn't work the presence of grief councilors would prevent almost all of these movies. And that was about 28 pop culture references, try and keep up.