How to survive the holiday's...

Greetings, 

I am hailing to you from the Phenix airport on my way to Mexico to try my hand at becoming a heroin smuggler for 2 weeks. Now you may think to yourself “whatever will i do without your infinite guidance and wisdom?” well skipper calm yourself, i have compiled a survival guide to all the annoying questions that tend to bombard one over the holidays. 

These answers are to avoid any of the when i was your age talk, as well as mildly disturb the person who has made it their mission to interview you...

1. The sexual update/mate selection question
1. i find that this works best by going the complete other direction, and don’t be afraid to be specific

EX: “You know i’m not so much into boys anymore, i’m really attracted to aliens, but not just any, only the ones from 2 galaxies down, and 1 over”

1. What’s your major/life study?
1. this is a formula start with The History of - followed by a word that means hard to find (rare, unique, obscure) - then a random country - and last anything you could find in a library or museum 

EX: “I’m studying The History of Obscure Madagascar Statues”

1. What is the best/most important thing you have learned in college/your life?
1. this is where one really must avoid the stories of the olden days of 1920. Now you can go two routes the honest

EX: “i’ve really learned the effects of large amounts of alcohol on the body and property that’s not mine”

or the other option of a class that you really learned a lot in, again a formula, Dr. - followed by the 2 names of tool bags that you can think of - “and his class on the” - an SAT word (juxtaposition, globalization, opposition...) - of - a food of any kind 

EX: “The class i learned the most in was definitely Dr. Trump Phil’s and his class on the Juxtaposition of Mashed Potatoes.

1. And then of course the future plans talk
1. Tell them you are planning to join and organization/group, but everyone knows someone who was in the peace corps, or red cross and no one wants to sit through that boredom... so simply choose a emotion - and follow it by something you would find in a city

EX: “I think i’m going to join the group Happy School Busses/Angry Sidewalks and so on”