I know it has been long... For those of you who follow my whereabouts in an unstocker-like manner you know that i have been spending the last few days south of the border with people the allegedly share my DNA. Like all family vacations this time spent with those with whom i share genes was successful considering that we all have return with our limbs intact. Of course another way at which to gage success to look back on all that one has learned, and so i will do so and as such share with you some wonderful morsels about traveling abroad for your holiday enjoyment:
1. A rule of family vacations, embrace your personal embezzler and milk those who have sired you. There are only a few years where this is acceptable and when you are out of the country you can really get things going.
2. Americans, in what seems like an exclusive move, feel that it is comforting to bring part of their own environment and culture with them when traveling out of the country. This means that people who are not conditioned must suddenly be visually assaulted by your camo outfits. This is hard to handle for anyone, and the only time it really seems acceptable is when you are standing proudly over a freshly killed jackolop in a wooded area near or around G. W.’s ranch or the greater Republic of Texas.
So please older redneck sitting in front of me on the plane. I don’t know if you noticed but you are in a white tin box with illuminated exit signs. Everyone can see you, and they do not care for it. If you want to be a rebel tamper with the laboratory smoke detecters, that’s really frowned upon.
3. As part of the human condition we try and relate to each other. This means that if you meet someone from Michigan human instinct may make you try to forge a connection with them by discussing the law about how one cannot tie a alligator to a fire hydrant (yeah that’s true, thank you Sidney for furthering my knowledge and helping me grow). However this need to relate that we have within us has one major flaw, and it goes something like this...
“So where are you from?”
“Oh I’m from Oregon.”
(Here it comes) “Oregon really? I have a second cousin that lives there, do you know Sally Smith?”
Why does this happen? Oregon is small yes but we just added our 108th person last month and it very well could have been Sally Smith. While most people think we just hopped off our wagons and made a hut out of a deer carcass, there are actually a few people over here. This, of course, is not something only i encounter, i could not imagine with people who live in states with more that 12 people do. And so i say weary traveler, no, i don’t know Sally Smith and i am appalled that you would ask me.
And so i give you a few educational traveling observations to ponder over this holiday. You can now rest easy knowing that all 10, yes in my heart i feel we have reached double digits, people who read this can get excited that i am once again back in cyberspace.
Happy Holidays
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