I don't know if you know this but it is 9:56 in the PM. I would like to share a few things with you that may help you make a few better life choices in the future.
1. At this point you are so far gone the only person that can find you is Charlie Sheen and possibly the porn star that was snorting coke off his chest hair, this probably isn't a good way to start the evening.
2. No one should be so drunk they can't walk untill we have at least hit time in the double digits.
3. While your screech of delight and drunken wail may be like a mating call to those who have yet to round out 2 decades of life, to those of us who have (and have yet to begin the drunken debauchery because we are not a 58-year-old alcoholic drinking wine from a box) it sounds more like a hedgehog massacre, so shut it.
So Drunk Girl let's make an effort to make better intoxication choices. After all, look at you. You clearly took a great deal of time wrapping that paper towel around you and calling it a dress, it's probably hard for you to stumble home without anyone seeing your naughty places. I commend you for making drunken debauchery more of an art form, all i ask is that you wait to start your consumption until after 10 PM. A good rule to go by is that if you could also be eating the early bird special at Denny's then it might be a little premature. After all, no one wants to give multiple meanings to the term hooch.
Thanks,
Sidney
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