I Fear Waddles

Some of you may be wondering what i have been up to recently, being as the weather cannot make up its mind, and i have a plethora of important schoolwork that needs done. Well, i have been procrastinating the economical way: with angry thoughts. There is a great void in my life yes, but i find that that void can be filled with channel surfing. Case in point: bull riding - don't ask me why, mostly there was nothing on TV and i wanted to throw ESPN 28 or whatever channel broadcasts stupid sports very few people want to throw a bone, but there i was, captivated, and thankfully i learned a few things about this denim covered sport and coincidentally myself as well...

1. The bulls all have ridiculous names; Tough as Nails, Hard as Steel, if it can be a porno name it is also the name of a ten ton cow. I think that a name of these massive quadrupeds should be ironic. might i recommend Castration, No Offspring for You, or Look at Where 2 years of High School Can Get You. All these things are clever, and less about how one describes their 4 x 4 trucks and/or man stick which seems to be the current trend.

2. I have officially decided that nothing good comes from a creature with a waddle, you know extra unneeded skin under and upon the chin, neck, and upper sternum quadrant. These bulls look like they are the after story on a TLC show about extreme weight loss. Also, let us review the others who have a little too much under-chin gobble. There is an assortment of fowl, which as we all know i would like to harm. Ever met a cuddly turkey? I think not. Then of course there is select old people, again not always cuddly. It is a proven fact that extra skin is usually filled with animosity, lets just say waterbuffalos are filled with bitterness. So lets keep our necks tight for the sake of the world, oh, and avoid shar pei's they have extra skin everywhere...that has to chafe.

3. I now understand what people in the Midwest do to keep themselves from watching Wizard of Oz for the 346th time (the Midwest's only claim to fame) they grab themselves some sort of energy drink that they saw advertised on the side of a monster truck and strap themselves to a creature with less brain cells than a sponge and see what that big boy can do.

4. When you are training to be a correction officer they make you get sprayed with pepper spray so that you know what the prisoners feel, this should be the same thing for this activity. How many bull riders would there be if they had to have their balls strapped to their kidney and then have another man with some unspent sexual frustration demand that he ride you while you writhe around in pain in the dirt. Answer: not a lot, but Brokeback Mountain may have had another group of very supportive cowboys. 

Think on it.