The Latest in Eyewear

Let me begin by saying spring is a confusing time. Basically, it is the time of the year in which Mother Nature seems to be on the rage: the mood swings, sun, hail, rain, clouds, hot, cold, you have to pack an overnight bag to go outside for 15 minutes. That being said, this does not give you the license to make bad choices. I'm talking about eye wear. There are a few things that aren't acceptable no matter what the weather is like:

1. Transition Lenses: You want to know what transition lenses were made for? For transitioning between the bright kitchen, where your mom is making you a sandwich, back to the basement, where you live, on your 36th birthday. Do you ever see someone wearing transition lenses and think playa? Negative, sunglasses regular glasses, this is not a hyphenate situation. CHOOSE.

2. Clear Glasses: This is new and I don't understand it. Wearing something that impedes you as a fashion statement is like being envious of people with club feet then limping along all day. If I see you participating in this trend, I will call you grand-pappy Amis and hope that my ridicule, disappointment, and influence will make you reconsider your renob life choice.

3. Sunglasses:  I don't know why this is hard, sunglasses are for sun. For some reason people have this great desire to forgo the harsh light that can be found inside. I blame Usher. While I love his 17-pack abs and super sweet dance moves, he's the one that has given mating in da club a theme song and therefore an appropriate practice, and yet I can't remember the last time I saw his eyes. Furthermore, let's leave it at this, if you are cool and influential enough to not get arrested for full on makin' love in the club then you may wear sunglasses whenever and wherever you choose. However, that song is 4 minutes and 19 seconds, and no one except Usher, and possibly Justin Bieber has a handle on that sort of accelerated action, it's a vicious cycle.

And so I say to you, my kind and loyal viewer, follow the rules. Or else.