The End is Near

I don't know about you, but i tend to take issue with the many signs that the universe has been sending me about the pleasantries of this week. The largest of these not so subtle hints was when i was walking past a lawn on my way home. On one small piece of grass i saw the Obese Seagull Coalition, the Loud Over Fed Crow Association, and the Pathetic Pigeon Group. ALL MEETING ON THE SAME LAWN. The end is near my friends. Kiss your loved ones, leave a cryptic status update, don't bother with your TiVo, this is it. This dead week, my 11th, will possibly be my last.

And so to show you that i am, in fact, thinking clear after this bird black spot of death i will make a list, the true indicator of my sanity, of things that i need to figure out in the near future...

1. A way to kill all the seagulls in Eugene. I have accepted that they will be on the beach being bothersome, but here? I mean come on. They seem to be thriving too, they're like half cousins to the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.

2. What is the Bad Girls Club? Part of me wants to figure out this epic mystery, but then again it is nice to have some sort of mystery in this world, and by extension some faith in the intelligence of humanity.

3. Will i ever meet someone that watches One Tree Hill? And after meeting them will they be able to answer the age old question: where are all the trees in said show?

4. Is there a chance Sarah Palin will achieve world domination? This is a real fear, she already thinks she owns Alaska....

5. Who domesticated guinea pigs? They have no desire to be near people, much less be a pet. They would rather run headlong into a wood chipper than be touched by the human hand. What about this says awesome, loving, and relevant pet? They were bred for meat for a reason...

6. Finding 3 redeeming qualities for the movie Bambi.  

Bring it on dead week.