Harrassing Harry Potter

This last weekend I finally went to go see Harry Potter. I know, I know, you're thinking it may be a little late on my end to see a movie that so many prepubescents have been juicing themselves about for months, but I have a reason. As a general rule of survival in the Sidney's Guide to Living Among Idiots I have a policy on never going to see a movie that has cloaks prominently featured in it on the opening weekend. This is for a multitude of reasons as you might imagine kids that wear cloaks as a main form of outer wear also have a direct correlation with less shower time, and as a result are of great annoyance to me. Nonetheless I went to see the worlds first small statured boy that captured the hearts of millions long before Justin Bieber, and as you might have guessed I have some questions;

1. What's with all the sweaters? I think that in Harry Potter land one's sweat has mystical powers that make it all-weather wear. This is not true. Until I see a sheep/llama/fluffy pack animal repelling water I'm going to consider sweaters to be an addition to a coat.

2. I wonder if there is a great epidemic of obese wizards? Think about it, all you need is a stick and you could make everything come to you. No need to walk, move, or even get off the couch at all.

3. Is Voldemort a commentary on Michael Jackson? The way I see it MJ was one nose job away from have slits in his nose anyway. He also showed small boys his magic stick, Big Daddy V showed Harry the same thing when he was little. I'm just saying.

4. Why are you crying? This is another reason I had to wait for the crowds to die down, I had to find my perfect emotionally cold cinematic partners. The way I see it there is no reason to cry in this movie except for the following reason: you are in great distress that you will not die with sad epic music in the background in Harry Potters arms unless you plan some stuff out really well. By all means cry that your death will probably be greatly anti-climactic. YOU KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. I can't expect everyone I know to be like me (evolved past emotions) but you knew this was happening. It's like the Titanic, we all knew the ship was going down. Chill, your sobbing is ruining this moment for me.