Ridiculing Red Riding Hood

This weekend I went and saw Red Riding Hood. Now I know this comes as no surprise that this movie was not a masterpiece... however, it did allow me to learn some things about the woods, hair gel, and Bambi's extended family.

1. Hair care - I've learned something that I think will help me a great deal in life all thanks to this cinematic wonder: that is that the more evil someone is, the more time they spend on their hair. Allow for a demo; in this movie (without giving too much away) the bad boy lover has a perfectly gelled duck butt hair do, while the sensitive much better looking lover number two had little to no hair product in and around his hair. Not convinced? Draco Malfoy has so much oil in his hair it would make a pelican uneasy...  Saruman looked like he got a magical blow out before hanging with the creepers of Mordor, I'm just sayin'

2. Timing - If you feel that the best time to do things is in a blizzard than maybe you should get eaten. There are very few things that are better in a blizzard, maybe a snow cone. I can't be the only one who thought that flinging on your one shoulder cloak and going on a hunt wasn't the best thing for you to do. If all man hunters were like this than Bambi would still have a family, think on that. 

3. Cloak/Riding Hood - Now sometimes I do find myself in a position in which I am cold, but neither my arms, legs, or front, are cold. This means that I have an issue with my back. Thank god I have such handy outerwear that I can have something that does a great job of keeping my shoulders and back warm...  It's like a vest, what's up?

So in order to watch this movie without inflicting self-harm I would recommend: an IQ below 12, and a strong belief that the Twilight movies are the best movies ever made. It's all about keeping expectations low.