Are You a Redneck?

Recently i have been clocking in some major air time, traveling here and there and have realized that there is something that only we, in this great country can lay claim to... rednecks. Now, my beneficent bookworm, you may wonder what constitues this rare breed found in the back woods of this, our US of A... Well i, the all-knowing, will give you a good idea of some indicators that you may in fact have some redneckish tendencies...

1) Misspelled tattoos. You thought America had an "h", the tattoo guy swore it had a "q", he was convincing, and here we are in good old Amerqa.

2) Look up...there should be no dead eyes staring back at you. If there are eyes staring at you from the heads of creatures that once taught you a valuable childhood lesson in a Disney film, you might be a bit hillbilly

3) If you haven't met a creature you wouldn't eat, we may have a problem. A sentence should never start, "the other day when i was eating a possum steak... "

4) Subtitles. "Swamp people" is impossible to understand. They appear to be speaking English, but no one can tell. i would call them country bumpkins for sure. ironically they kind of make me miss home...

So to all those who apply to the above, i apologize, both to you and to your cousin/spouse...