You Know When...

Being as i am about a quarter the way through life, I think that I have learned a few things. One of these life lessons is that despite what people tell you about the roller coaster that is life, there are some things that precede others. Forgone conclusions if you will, it is these tried and true standbys that allow you to say no to the medication, and truly believe that not everything in this world is left to chance. That being said I would like to show you a few of these so that you can feel secure in knowing that they will always be things that you can rely on...

1. YOU KNOW WHEN you had a wild night IF the next morning you wake up as Lady Gaga - this could be the indicator of an awesome night, or you could wake up incubating in a giant egg. Take comfort knowing that all your body hair will grow back, and not everyone has a chance to wear a solar system. Either way something went down, and it was epic.

2.  YOU KNOW WHEN its time to graduate college IF you joined the committee to make beer pong an Olympic sport - when you spend too much time in ivy-covered hallowed halls, sometimes you forget what constitutes a normal activity. I know I know they let curling in why not beer pong, but you just have to trust me that eventually you will be in a place not sticky with vomit and beer, without red cups spilling out of every opening. It's called the real world. Come back to us. 

3. YOU KNOW WHEN someone is evil IF they don't have pupils - i've said it once I'll say it again, tried and true standby

4. YOU KNOW WHEN it's time to reevaluate your life IF you seriously relate to anyone that has a show on TLC - Do you have 35 kids? Too fat to function? Collecting every newspaper since 1964 in your one-bedroom apartment? These are things that do not spell success despite what Kate Gosselin says. Time to shower and find a hobby.

5. YOU KNOW WHEN people will be mean IF you're in Kinko's  - I don't know what it is but they are always mean! News flash, knowing how to photocopy does not make you better than me, and to all small token 60 year old people that are working at every Kinko's across America:  I will physically fight you so that you may kindly show me how to print my pictures on a machine that looks like it could transform and kill Shia LeBouf. If it could kill you also, that would also be nice.

And so as you can see life my be uncertain at times, but there are some things that will never fail to come to fruition. Take comfort that life isn't always that oh-so-confusing box of chocolates, some times with a higher IQ, one can read the map on the top of the box and avoid the cheery congeals that taste like death...