Scholastic Achievement

The theme of this month is scholastic achievement. However, just because we have all been able to drag our hungover selves to a class everyday DOES NOT mean we are, in any way, ready or capable of true adulthood. Sadly, with these feats of accomplishment our sires feel the need to celebrate these milestones in a way that makes you wonder if they ever thought you would actually amount to anything. And of course chicken, because what is a celebration in this country without it?

And so i give you another commentary for the ceremonies that signal your greatness and a host of weird questions and what we are always thinking when we are asked them over and over again:

1. How did you get so old?
-- I built a time machine in my dorm, i really just went to college three days ago. i wish i had let you in on it, these 4 years have not been kind...

2. What's next?
-- For me, i think that i am going to do some heavy drinking and perfect my free-loading skills. i regret that i didn't have enough time to really dedicate to myself...

3. What was the most important thing you learned?
-- It's important to meet a lot of new friends, and get to know them... vaginally...
So congratulations, i hope someone asks you a creative question or two