Lessons From Embezzlement to Stewed Turtle

My time in this sticky paradise is coming to a close, and in light of learning something from this experience I shall reflect on my time here in the land of riches and embezzlement...

A) From rich people: the key to really reveling in one's richness is multidimensional. First, living in a place with no taxes allows you to blow your cash on things that really matter and therefore help you look and truly seem Trump-like. For starters gates; every rich person needs them. It allows one to pretend like you are entering your own country and thus makes you feel every important. Fountains are next. It doesn't matter what the fountain is, they scream "money" even if they also subtly yell "pornographic". Lastly, location. You can't be rich unless you live in a place that has a name that can be mistaken for some sort of a landmark. Vistas, hills, and lakes allow a community to feel that they have some sort of claim to geographical fame. When I'm older I will own and live in a gated community called Vista Hills Lake. Cha ching.

B) My humor is not international: this was a sad revelation due in part to the fact that I wanted to purchase my Vista Hills Lake property from my comical practices. No, my valuable viewer, sarcasm is not universal. They say that smiling is, but I don't believe it. Propaganda from Botox companies.

C) I am morally opposed to eating sea turtle: You never know how you will react to something until it is put in front of you with a stewed fin protruding from the bowl.

D) I have morals: who knew?

So I suppose you could say that in this soul-searching mission I have learned something about myself. Sadly, I also lost part of my soul by trying to be chipper 9 hours a day with children. I am happy to be coming back stateside, but part of me fears that I have lost my comical touch...