1. First i suppose i should begin by giving the three people reading this a brief overview of this movie's silver screen splendidness. It follows the basic storyline of any bad monster movie. Crazy older 80's actor takes the role as lead silver fox crazy pants who somehow decided to combine on ferocious creature with one that has little to no fear associated with it since we realized that the world is round. Thus giving us Shartopus, or as they refer to it in the movie S11 to add scientific validity.
Of course Sharktopus is as harmless as a well sedated loin cub with rabies as long as it is wearing a Gossip Girl-like headband that allows the scientists control over its brain. Oddly enough Shartopus doesn't really care for his accessory and goes on a killing spree in Mexico (WHO SAW THAT COMING?! i know grab your inhaler and try to stay with me). Shartopus leaves in his wake plastic implants and fake blond hair extensions from all the random extras Syfy finds right off the porn set.
Eventually after great turmoil, bad computer animation, and many deaths of people the storyline never really cared to introduce you to, it comes down to the final battle. Shartopus kills his creator in a very poetic scene drenched in fake blood and the young strapping lad who can't seem to keep his shirt on must step up and distract Shartopus while the morally sound scientist blows up his brain with a computer. And that is the end. It was filled with twists and turns no one with a pulse didn't see coming, quite a cinematic feat really.
2. For a minute i would like to think about other titles for this movie that they had to go through before settling on the gem that is Sharktopus. Pusark? (Bad porno about a sexy Jarassic Park?) Octoark ? (newest weapon on halo?) Pusshark? (yet another youtube video about someones cat?) oh to be a fly on that wall.
3. I also want to know what is so horrifying about a octopus? For some reason they are featured in many Syfy movies frequently with a shark (Mega Shark Giant Octopus anyone? real movie no joke). Are people threatened that they can squish themselves in very small spaces, have eight arms? They really have very few claims to fame that one should be envious of if we're being really honest.
4. Finally i would like to offer up some other suggestions to the monster movies staples that Syfy should explore... any sort of giant vermin, is anyone like "oh a giant mole, lets cuddle." No they are not. Giant moles making giant tunnels, cities would fall in disarray it would be anarchy. Sting rays, anything that can take down Steve Erwin is some creepy stuff. If he didn't survive what makes you think that a chick named Candy would? Any sort of giant bird, this may just be me, being as birds hate me with a fiery passion, but i think being pecked to death would be a bad way to go. Plus think of them swooping you up? Not awesome. Syfy hop on that if you can make Shartopus with any sort of faith that people would enjoy/watch it you can do anything.
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