Bring Down the House

 Last night i went out on the town; let me tell you it is quite scary, and so to help you, gentle readers, with some of your nightime travels i have created some rules that will aid you while you are in da club:

1. Beware of small people: if some of you may have noticed, most of the girls seen out at night have managed to get into the club via the doggy door. Because of their small stature i recommend keeping an eye out for them scuttling about...

2. Give a boy an inch and he will take about 18 miles: and when it comes to taking miles things begin to roam, and like any good cell phone provider your friends can put an end to that roaming with a good plan and put you in a good girl-on-girl protective family plan.

3. Black lights make everyone look like meth addicts - don't look too closely: everywhere you look people are covered it what looks like white powder, it appears that some people might have missing teeth, and everyone has crazy eyes...


4. Beware of the one dude that's wearing a winter jacket inside: places packed with people are always about 112 degrees with 347% humidity. That being said we always know that there is one fella that is wearing his Michelin-man winter coat while dancing with a girl that is wearing someone's leg warmer as a dress.

Now i cannot guarantee that these rules will always keep you safe... but my rules are at least a start...