Pushuating Problematic Phrases

Most old people know that us crazy kids have our own crazy language. Now most of them think that this is a giant conspiracy, probably headed up by Miley Cyrus. Well it is true that good old Miley probably can't spell anything and uses this terms out of necessity, (oh, my, god, is hard to handle and long, better to abbreviate) however other people in of my lovely generation have greatly overused these phrases. This, my friends, is a problem, and here is how i see it...

: )  ; ) : ( - I have the most issues with these smiley faces that have been very popular of late. My least favorite is the ; ). Why you ask? Well let us think. Who is it that winks? Answer, creepy old men and playboy playmates as they're straddling a camel. So when you say something and add a wink what are you really saying to me? "ok tonight sounds good. ; )" ok tonight sounds good wink from me suggesting that i changed sexes and aged 50 years so now i'm going to eat some pudding and flip down my sun glass lenses over my glasses and leer at you while pretending to Velcro my shoes? No i think not

lol - things are rarley so funny that one will feel the need to laugh out loud. I am obviously a bit bias because i don't have emotions and  have very few instances in which i feel the need to laugh out loud. Furthermore laughing out loud is sort of frowned upon in society. If you see a guy laughing when no one is around you know what he is? Homeless.

! - this is more of a classic that goes for aspects beyond a tiny phone screen. I fully admit the fact that this is something that holds mostly true only to me. I just have an issue with people overusing excitement. So i ask only one thing for those who abuse the ! ... save it only for a time when things are life threatening. "I am falling from a tree!" acceptable. "can't wait to see you" not necessary, i know i'm the most important part of your life, no need to show this by adding a extra symbol that makes you seem shrill at the end of your phrase.