The Art of Insults

I have decided that it is time to put insulting/name calling to a science. Normally I would say that it is important to play by the playground rule of not saying anything but nice happy rainbows, but unfortunately I, like I'm sure many of you, are surrounded with people that would couple with a slug (awesome insult number one) I am forced to abandon playground rules and get dirty.

I have tried hard to not drop f-bombs like a republican administration on a group of people kicking it in the desert. There are two reasons for this leaf at which I have attempted to turn over; the first being that I don't want to sound like a crazy person, and the second being that I hate all the fillers - fudge, frick, fiddle sticks - all annoying. And so I would like to show you, my rambling reader, some different ways to insult those with a smaller IQ that seem to surround us all....

1. Name calling is all good - it is always important to go back to our times on the playground... if someone is getting angry just say "calm yourself there angry Andrew" (also mean Megan, crazy Christa) add what they are doing with a name that starts with the same sound...

2. Comparing to objects - there are classics: "dumb as a doorknob," also there is plain dildo (hard to come back from that), but I have made some new ones for different situations,

in the bedroom: "slow down there, Swiffer Wet-Jet"

sibling showdown: "getting a little chubby there, crock pot..."

3. I would also recommend looking to other countries for your insults as it makes you sound more worldly...