Clever Calendars

So for those of you who didn't notice it yet, it is January. To me this month means two things. Chubby people wishing their epic flab to be worked away, and calendar sales. I take most of my issues with the later, and now I will share my thoughts and comments on the world of calendars because after all it is Bella and Edward's world and we just live in it:

1. I have long since made peace with the fact that people love themselves 12 months of sher peis, on wheelbarrows, in candy land.

2. However, recently I came across something epically disturbing. Walking innocently through the bookstore I saw something that terrified me. There, nestled between a classic car and Sports Illustrated calendars, I saw a calendar containing PIGEONS! Yeah it is true. Pigeons, my fifth most feared bird behind only peacocks, roosters, seagulls, and parrots. This I feel has gone too far, pigeons are about as interesting as slugs, wouldn't that be a thrilling ride through the year.

3. Furthermore, that poor photographer. I don't know this from experience but I would assume that posing a carrier pigeon, or a banana slug for that matter, seems very taxing.

4. And so after I saw the weirdness that is people's prefrences of calendars, I thought I would chip in a few ideas:
a. Slugs - said it once I'll say it again
b. and array of underground creature - worms, moles, weird bugs
c. any sort of garden equipment with animals seems to be very popular - might I suggest a weasel in a watering can?

5. Additionally, I would like people to stop making things out of vegetables. In one sitting I saw them making accessories, fish underwater, and the staple of vegetable creatures.